SUPPLY AND DEMAND
It's pretty simple, so they say, the more your baby demands for milk, the more your body produces milk. For some women, they even have surplus milk. A friend of mine had too much milk stored in her fridge and she is still producing LOTS of it that she decided to donate some of her stored milk to the hospital.
Unfortunately, some women, like me, do not produce enough milk to suffice for my baby's demand. I already was munching, drinking, eating every known food that they say would increase the body's milk production (malunggay, mussels, fruits, veggies, any soupy food, etc.) but was still not producing enough.
When my baby needed 2 oz of milk, my body couldn't even produce an ounce from pumping. By the time my baby needed 4 oz, my body could only produce 2 oz.
I even consulted a breastfeeding expert and was told to try to pump every 2 hours. I did, but rarely would be able to do it religiously. Imagine pumping for 20 minutes, then you will only have around an hour and 40 minutes left to do whatever chore needed... Let alone find time to play with baby!
GUILT
Guilt started to creep into my subconscious eversince our doctor recommended to supplement with formula because I was not producing enough milk. I remember crying while driving home after my baby's 2 week check up (where the doctor told us baby was not gaining enough weight so he recommended that we start giving baby formula milk). The feeling that baby has not had enough milk for two weeks of his life felt like knives on my chest. The feeling that I am not able to provide for my child. It made me cry everytime I think about it. Until today, I still feel the guilt of not being able to be the 'perfect' mommy... milk-wise.
QUALITY OVER QUANTITY
As mentioned above, I felt so bad about 'conceiding' on my breastfeeding efforts that I had to google to see if there are other women who felt guilty about the same thing... and there were a LOT! I read some articles about it and a lot of it from mommy forums. One particular comment from a forum struck me: A happy mommy is more important for baby! She mentioned that she felt bad that her first baby had to experience a stressed mommy (busy with the obsession of trying to be the perfect breastfeeder) whilst on her second baby, she has already admitted to herself that her anatomy isn't just the breastfeeding type, so her second baby was able to experience a happier, more loving, more caring mommy.
So I try to remind myself that my time is best spent with Quality Time with Baby, everything else is of lesser priority.
